Hannah Papp Guest Blog

by Jessica on December 17, 2015

As the holidays approach and foods are roasted, packages wrapped and the season shifts its energy to that of decadence, abundance and indulgence, I now confess this in the tight lines of this page: a part of my soul gets so tired.  I ignore it, of course, but the subconscious thought pulsing its chilly undercurrent through my days is this: it’s hard to come up with great gift ideas and dazzling menus; it’s stressful to spend time on perfecting a bow or the dusting of sugar.  And I feel sorry for myself, as the matriarch of my household, to be the one in charge of all this damn cheer.

I love the moments at night, when the lights are twinkling and the house is quiet and the moment is devoid of the need to accomplish.  This is my time.  I sip a drink and nibble a treat and rest my weary body, nurture my strained soul.  I might even drink too much Drambuie and end up sneaking a cigarette outside, staring at the cold moon in the twinkling sky.  And here’s one of the things I wonder in those moments with the moon:

Why is it that this time of year, the time that demands the most of us spiritually, is tested and measured so much by the results of things so…so…unspiritual?  Are we only to be reminded by Hollywood movies (think Meet Me in St. Louis, Home Alone, Scrooged, It’s a Wonderful Life) of what really matters?  And then of course, the flip side to that coin: would it feel so wonderfully special if it wasn’t all decked, stuffed, lit and spread? I admit it, not to me.  My favorite thing is excess. I’m far more Ginger than Marianne, but for the fact that I probably think too much.

And thinking leads to reviews.  So, it’s no wonder that we end this time of the year with a review.  And, because this review is followed by resolve (New Year’s Resolutions), the truth of the matter is this: we’re not reviewing the year by looking for our successes.  We’re reviewing the year by looking at how we failed to meet our own expectations. We measure it against our hopes and dreams, find it lacking and then resolve to make the next year better.

Such highs. Such lows.

So, call me crazy, but despite all this, I absolutely love this time of year.  I can’t help myself.  I’m not even being sarcastic here.  Yes, it’s a mad dash and an intense amount of doing and to-ing and fro-ing, but I love the adrenaline rush of it.  I love the high-octane pulse of it.  It’s Daytona.  It’s the fourth quarter.  It’s the last round. There’s no other time of year so “Work hard, play hard.” The adrenaline junkie in me thrives. I love that everyone ignores their budgets and their waistlines.  I love all the damn smiling.  I even love the Muzak.  I love that it’s party, party, party and then hung over.  I mean – if it’s fun – it’s meant to go from one extreme to the other.  That’s why roller coasters exist.

This year was a big one for me.  I realized a huge dream and for the first time ever, it won’t be on my New Year’s Resolutions list.  This year, my first book was published (by Simon & Schuster, no less!). I am an author.  I have events.  I am so very la-dee-dah. Yet, I’m still the one dusting the sugar and tying the bows.  How unfair.  But what’s not unfair is this deep, deep sense of satisfaction.  I am a badass.  I did it.  I got this shit done. There’s no better feeling than knowing that something I wanted so badly has been had.  I feel like a different person.  I feel whole.  And now, when I look at the stars, I see they’re aligned just right.  Even the moon looks toasty warm up there.

Hannah Papp is the author of The Mystical Backpacker: How to Discover Your Destiny in the Modern World

Watch videos and learn more about her at http://www.hannahpapp.com

Learn more about the book (and access free guided meditations!) at http://www.themysticalbackpacker.com